Broken Without You
by fabulouslyslytherin394
Summary: Finding out you've been dead for two years, not knowing where your friends are, where your lover is, takes a major emotional toll; leaves one feeling broken, lost. This story explores Commander Serena Shepard's feelings of having been dead, and now being alive again, and the heartbreak she feels about not being with the one she loves. -ONE SHOT-


Two years. It had been several days since Serena Shepard, Alliance soldier, Spectre, Savior of the Citadel, Defender of the Galaxy had awoken, and come back to life, and she still was having trouble even wrapping her head around the thought of it. ' _I was dead... now I'm alive again... I was dead for two years, now I'm back...'_ How could it possibly have been two years? To her, the time that had passed only felt like days. One of her last memories was a painful one; her death. It seemed like yesterday. Body drifting helplessly through space, screaming for oxygen, breath coming out frantically, heart beating hard with fright as she thought in panic, _'Not now... not like this... not after everything I've done, everything I've faced.. please, don't let this be the end...'_ Then death took her. She died alone, frightened, helpless, a far cry from how she had invisioned her death to be. She had always thought she would die in battle, in some heroic mission to save the galaxy. Maybe a suicide mission. She would get everyone else out alive, her lover, her friends, and then take some frightning bastard down with her. She would look her enemy in the eye, smirk as she always had, and embrace death, knowing that it meant the galaxy would be secure for a time, her friends, her family, would be safe. Maybe she would be a Father then; maybe she and Liara would have had a child. A child she would not get to raise, get to see, but a child nonetheless. And that child, because of her, would get to grow up in a galaxy where she wouldn't have to worry about the Reapers, or the Geth, or any of the things that Serena had seen that she wouldn't wish on anyone. She would get to grow up in a galaxy where she wouldn't have to fear for her life, because her Father had taken care of that already, had fought to the bitter end, for her, for her Mother. Then these thoughts led her to Liara. Just the thought of the beautiful Asari hurt worse than a stab to the heart. The first time they made love, melded; their bodies, their souls, their spirits becoming one, the first heart-filled confession of, " _I love you,"_ as they clung together, hoping that their last moments weren't apon them, Liara pulling her into her arms after she had stepped out of the rubble on the Citadel, deeply kissing her lips as she said how worried she'd been that Shepard was dead all filled her mind. Hadn't that all been yesterday? Hadn't it just been days ago that they sat curled up on Shepard's couch on the Normandy, wrapped in each others' arms, making a toast to the lost before making passionate love again, melding their minds together, so very relieved that they, most of their dearest friends, had survived the hardships that were thrown at them? But no, it had been two years. Where was Liara now? The mysterious Illusive Man had said that she was working for the Shadow Broker, but where? Had she moved on? Was she happy, wherever she was? ' _I hope she is...'_ Serena thought, before admitting to herself that what she was saying in her mind was a lie. She knew it was selfish, but she almost hoped Liara wasn't, that she was as broken up inside, as confused, as sad, as Shepard was. She hoped that Liara was still clinging to the hope that Serena would come back somehow, and would embrace her with a fervent joy when they finally reunited. She hoped that they could pick up right where they left off, that things would get back to how they were, that Liara still felt the exact same way, even more so. But the realist, and the pessimistic side in her knew she had to accept that such a thing probably would not happen. That thought almost made her want to cry. But Commander Shepard did NOT cry. She did not let herself cry. Crying was a sign of weakness she believed, and she was far from weak. But still, the tears started to fall, and her arms wrapped around herself, waiting for the inevitable sobs that she knew were about to come. Oh, how she wished Liara could be here now, could stroke her hair as she reassured her lover that she still felt the same way, still cared, had never forgotten her, could never forget her. Wiping away her tears, breathing a hard sigh, Serena approached her bed, running her hand over the comforter. She wished she had something of Liara's, a shirt, a pillow, something she had touched, something with her scent, to curl up with. But she had to settle for her memory, and her imagination. Grabbing one of the spare pillows from the other side of the bed, she lied down and turned on her side, then wrapped her arms around it and held it close to her chest, trying to imagine it as Liara. Burrying her face up against it, she pictured that it was Liara's neck, envisioned the smile that would stretch across the Asari's face as she kissed that really sensitive spot. She had discovered, during their lovemaking, that her beautiful Asari girlfriend had a really sensitive neck. When she had kissed on it, had lightly nibbled at the soft blue flesh, the woman had nearly cried in ecstasy. Oh, how Shepard was a mess. Her heart, her soul felt broken, missing her lover, and every part of her body craved her. Her mind, her intelligence, gentle touch, her taste, the pleasured moans she released as Shepard had made love to her, she missed everything about her. " _Oh Liara,"_ she said, " _I miss you so damn much..."_ Closing her eyes, she let a few more tears fall. Slowly she began to drift off to sleep, dreaming of the Asari holding her. Her last thought before falling into rest was, ' _I'm gonna find you, Liara.. I will. And I'm going to make it all like it was. Because darling, I can't live without you in my life...'~_


End file.
